The Impact of Feeling ‘Touched Out’ on Women’s Sex Drive and Intimacy
As a sex therapist, I’ve worked with many women navigating the messy, beautiful, and often overwhelming intersection of motherhood, physical touch, and sex drive. One thing I’ve noticed over and over again is just how much the constant demands of caring for children, especially the physical closeness, can start to weigh on a woman’s libido and interest in intimacy.
What does being “touched out” mean?
Being “touched out” is that feeling of complete sensory overload. This is the kind that comes from being in near-constant physical contact with your kids. For many mothers, it can feel like there’s nothing left to give by the end of the day. They are emotionally spent, physically drained, and just need space — from everyone.
Certain things can make that feeling even more intense: the relentless closeness that newborns or toddlers require, the physical toll of breastfeeding, or the still-raw process of recovering emotionally or physically after birth. Add to that the pressure so many women feel, and there is a message that they should always be open to touch, whether from their children or their partner. It is no wonder so many feel completely tapped out.
And yes, feeling touched out can absolutely affect a woman’s sex drive. It can create distance, not just from a partner, but from her own body. That loss of desire for intimacy can feel confusing and frustrating. And for many women, it comes with a huge amount of guilt. They feel guilty for not wanting to be close, not being “enough”, which only adds more tension to an already strained relationship
What can you do to navigate this time more gently?
1. Partner support:
This is one of those moments where a partner’s role becomes incredibly important. Supporting a woman during the postpartum isn’t just about practical stuff, it’s also about truly understanding and respecting her need for space. This is especially important when it comes to physical touch. When a partner can respect this need without pressure or expectation, it will create room for a healthier, more connected relationship over time, which is super sexy.
2. Self-care:
Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish, it’s crucial. Prioritising rest, doing things that bring joy, and simply having a moment to breathe can make all the difference. Partners can encourage these moments and even step in (or arrange for someone else to step in) to give mums a real break. This break is about her filling her own cup and reconnecting with herself.
3. Quality time or date nights:
Staying emotionally close as a couple during this phase can feel hard. But you need to make sure you prioritise this one. Set aside time to just be together, with no pressure around sex. Focus on rebuilding that emotional intimacy. This is about catching up, laughing and enjoying each other’s company in ways that feel nurturing. Sometimes, that’s a quiet meal, a walk, or even just a movie on the couch. Anything that helps you feel like you again, as a couple.
As a therapist, I work daily with couples navigating these kinds of transitions. I offer a space where you and your partner can talk things through, strengthen your communication, and find practical ways to support each other. Parenthood changes you and your relationship. If you’d like to talk more about how I can support you through this, or if you have questions about working together, feel free to reach out.
I wish you all the best.
