Sex is Emotions in Motion

Mae West’s clever and profound statement, “Sex is emotions in motion,” reflects how deeply intertwined sexuality is with our emotional lives. I read another similar statement by Deepak Chopra somewhere that expands Mae’s insight. Deepak says, “Sex is always about emotions; good sex is about free emotions and bad sex is about blocked emotions.”

I want to share some of my experiences with clients who present with sexual difficulties induced by blocked emotions and highlight the crucial role that emotional freedom and expression play in these cases.

The Role of Emotional Expression in Sexual Intimacy

At its best, sex is an expression of emotional intimacy. When you are emotionally open and connected to yourself and your partner, sex becomes an avenue for expressing love, affection, trust, eroticism, sexual desire, and fantasies.

Good sex, in this sense, is about emotional attunement and comfort with both your and your partner’s feelings. You can be present not just physically but also emotionally. This allows you to be open with your feelings and respond to your partner’s feelings and needs. Emotional openness during sex allows both of you to be vulnerable and authentic, leading to a profound sense of connection and satisfaction.

On the other hand, when emotions are suppressed or blocked, sex can feel detached, mechanical, or even uncomfortable. These emotional blocks often stem from feelings of fear, shame, insecurity, or inferiority.

Instead of sex being a means to connect to another person, it becomes a performance for yourself or your partner. You prioritize impressing someone rather than connecting with them.

How Blocked Emotions Impact Sexual Function

You might convince yourself this is acceptable, but lack of emotional connection with a partner is not the only downside of blocked emotions; these blocks can also lead to various sexual dysfunctions in both men and women.

For example, insecurity about your sexual skills can easily make you feel anxious during sex. You may find it difficult to ask, “I really want to pleasure you; what can I do for you? What would you like?” Instead, you’re focused on impressing your partner and become anxious if they don’t respond ideally. This anxiety can easily lead to performance anxiety or erectile unpredictability during sex.

During these moments, someone open with their feelings might say, “I think I am a little nervous; I really want you to have a good time. Tell me what turns you on.” However, when you are closed off, it can be challenging to discuss the loss of erection during sex. Now, in addition to feeling insecure about your skills, you also feel ashamed about losing your erection and worry about it happening again next time.

As we know, with blocked emotions that feel impossible to discuss, you’re likely to experience erection loss repeatedly. Over time, you may withdraw sexually and avoid intimacy altogether. Meanwhile, your partner senses this withdrawal but, not understanding the cause, may feel rejected or hurt, creating a cycle of emotional and sexual disconnection between you both.

This emotional shutdown in the relationship can make it even harder to resolve the issue as both of you become less willing or able to discuss your needs and desires openly.

Ultimately, without emotional openness to navigate or address these challenges, it’s easy to spiral into greater frustration and emotional distance.

I wish you all the best.