The Liberating Mirror: Embracing Vulva Confidence for Self-Acceptance

As a sexologist, I frequently see women who struggle to accept their bodies, particularly their vulvas. Many women experience shame and embarrassment about their vulvas, the way it looks, smells and might taste. This sometimes leads to low sexual confidence, negative self-perception and sexual dysfunction in many women. 

Betty Dodson was a pioneering American artist, author, and sex educator known for her advocacy of women’s sexual liberation and the importance of female orgasm. Through her workshops and books, she empowered countless women to explore their bodies, embrace their sexuality, and prioritize self-pleasure. In her book “Sex for One” she recommends women look at their vulva in the mirror as a great tool for self-exploration, self-affirmation, and sexual empowerment.

I use the same philosophy in my work with women when they struggle with accepting their vulva. I believe observing your vulva in the mirror can facilitate familiarity with your body and its unique attributes. This is particularly important for those who have experienced shame or discomfort surrounding their genitalia. 

By observing yourself in the mirror, you can learn to appreciate the diversity and beauty of different vulvas. Each is distinct, and there is no “ideal” vulva. What is important is that you feel comfortable and confident in your own body.

Furthermore, examining your vulva can allow self-exploration of your sexuality. During this process, you may become aware of physical sensations or particularly pleasurable areas. This can serve as a valuable guide to exploring your body and discovering what feels pleasurable and satisfying to you. It can also be a means of becoming more comfortable with your own sexual desires and preferences.

Of course, observing your vulva can also be challenging. It is not unusual to experience embarrassment or even disgust initially. Such emotions frequently stem from societal expectations regarding what “normal” genitals should look and feel like. 

It is important to remember that there is no “right” way for genitals to look or feel. Unfortunately, struggles with body image are common today, even when there is nothing inherently wrong with your body or your genitals.

If negative emotions arise while examining your vulva, it is recommended to approach yourself with compassion and curiosity. Imagine looking at a work of art and appreciating the unique beauty of your own body. Remember that you deserve love and pleasure, including self-love and self-pleasure.

For those feeling particularly brave, capturing a photograph of one’s vulva can be a powerful way to view yourself from a fresh perspective and appreciate your body in a new way. However, it is important to remain mindful of privacy concerns and ensure that photographs are kept securely.

The practice of examining one’s vulva in the mirror can be a transformative experience. Becoming more familiar with your body and learning to appreciate its unique beauty can foster a greater sense of self-love and sexual empowerment. For those struggling with body image or sexual dysfunction, I suggest trying this simple yet powerful exercise. The benefits may be surprising, changing how you perceive yourself and your sexuality.

I wish you all the best.