Five Reasons Why Some Women Struggle to Orgasm During Partnered Sex

As a sex therapist, it’s not uncommon for me to hear from women who experience difficulty reaching orgasm during partnered sex. If you’re one of these women, please know that you’re not alone.  

Let’s try to understand the potential reasons why you might struggle with reaching climax during partner sex. Sometimes, understanding the why will help you find a solution to the problem. 

Five of the most common factors can contribute to this problem: 

1. Different types of stimulation: When you’re pleasuring yourself, you have complete control over the type, intensity, and duration of the stimulation you receive. However, during partnered sex, you may rely on your partner to help you achieve orgasm. Also, some women might find a specific type of stimulation they like and need to climax, but find it hard to bring it to partner sex. For example, many women report only being able to reach climax with clitoral stimulation. So it makes sense that they will not be able to reach orgasm if this type of stimulation is not a part of their sex life with their partner. 

2. Lack of communication: If you haven’t communicated with your partner about what feels good for you, they would not know about the right type of stimulation you need to climax. This can make it more difficult to orgasm during partnered sex than when you’re by yourself. 

3. Performance anxiety: Feeling anxious or self-conscious during sex can make it difficult to relax and enjoy your experience fully. This can make it more challenging to reach orgasm. When you’re alone, there’s no pressure to perform or worry about your partner’s pleasure. All of this can make it easier to focus on your sensations when you are by yourself. 

4. Emotional disconnection: Some women may find that they’re more able to orgasm when they feel emotionally connected to their partner. This connection can be more difficult to achieve during casual or one-night stands, whereas it’s more likely to be present in a committed, loving relationship. When you’re alone, you don’t need to worry about emotional connection or communication, which again, can make it easier to orgasm.

5. Expectations: There’s often a lot of pressure to orgasm during partnered sex, both from societal expectations and from your own desires. This pressure can make it difficult to fully relax and enjoy sex and can inhibit orgasm. When you’re alone, there’s no pressure to perform or meet any expectations, which can make it easier to orgasm.

It’s important to remember that there’s no “right” way to orgasm, and there’s no shame in not being able to orgasm during partnered sex. With communication, experimentation, and a willingness to try new things, it’s possible to achieve orgasm during partnered sex. But even if you don’t, there are still plenty of ways to experience pleasure and intimacy with your partner.

I wish you all the best.