In Glorification of Deliberate Intimacy 

Scheduling time for intimacy may seem counterintuitive in a culture that often glorifies spontaneity. We live in a world where the idealized notion of romance involves unexpected encounters, passionate embrace in the rain, and whirlwind romances that sweep us off our feet. However, in the midst of this glorification of spontaneity, intentional intimacy is an overlooked gem that has the power to deepen connections and enhance relationships in ways we may not initially recognise.

We often associate the early stages of dating with excitement and unpredictability, where everything seems to happen naturally without planning. Well, I am here to burst this bubble and tell you that even in those days, we used to do a lot of planning surrounding sex and sexual intimacy. We may not have scheduled the exact timing of sex, but we often would have anticipated what would happen when we spent time together. 

But somehow, regardless of how much planning was involved, our memory of sex and intimacy is that they were spontaneous. Maybe they were sometimes, but there was also a lot of sex that was planned as well. Remember when you wore a matching bra and underwear? Or when you did a lot of extra grooming in the shower and after? Extra bedroom cleaning? Setting a bit of a romantic mood in the house? That was when you planned sex. See! you have been doing it all along. 

Unfortunately, the belief that sex was spontaneous when we were dating and hence should remain spontaneous in long-term relationships leads us to lose sight of the importance of intentional connection. Now that we are in a long-term relationship, we might resist or resent the fact that sometimes we have to plan a romantic evening, and sex isn’t as spontaneous as it used to be. We forget that it actually rarely was. 

When we face the realities of busy lives, relying solely on spontaneity can lead to a decline in sexual satisfaction. It can also lead to a devaluation of the significance of deepening connections within our relationships.

Scheduling time for intimacy doesn’t mean removing all elements of surprise or passion from your sex life. Instead, it allows you to prioritize and create space for sexual connection within the realities of your daily lives. By setting aside dedicated time for intimacy, you ensure that you and your partner can be fully present, relaxed, and receptive to each other’s desires and needs.

Ultimately, making time for intimacy grants us the gift of intentional connection, where passion and surprise can coexist harmoniously

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