Overcoming Spectatoring Through Mindfulness 

In my previous blog, I discussed the concept of spectatoring in sex therapy. Which refers to a mental state in which an individual, during sexual activity, becomes more of an observer rather than an active participant in their own intimate experiences. In this blog, I am going to talk about the antidote to spectatoring and provide some solutions on what to do when you find yourself becoming an observer of your sexual experiences as opposed to being in them or experiencing them. 

The antidote to spectatorship lies in mindfulness, which is a mental state that allows you to focus on what is happening in the here and now. Using mindfulness techniques allows you to come back into your body and into the present moment whenever you find yourself spectatoring. While spectatoring leaves you feeling anxious and distracted, the mindfulness technique leaves you feeling calm and present during sexual activity. 

Some of the Mindfulness techniques you can use include: 

Breath Awareness: When you find your mind veering off course, anchor it with your breath. Feel the air at the tip of your nose, the expansion of your lungs, and the rise and fall of your abdomen. Hold your breath for a few seconds, then release it slowly, letting tension flow away with the exhalation.

Sensory Engagement: Reconnect with your environment through your senses; sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch. What do you see? What do you hear? Feel the textures around you—the sheets, your clothing, the warmth of your skin. Let these experiences be the lighthouse that guides you back to your body in the present.

By integrating techniques like Breath Awareness and Sensory Engagement, you can effectively redirect your focus from an external observer’s perspective to a deeply personal, present-moment experience. 

If you find yourself struggling with spectatoring, please feel free to contact me so we can explore the underlying challenges together. 

I wish you all the best. 

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