When Your Partner’s Expectations Make It Hard To Orgasm

I have worked with many women who feel pressure to orgasm during sex with their partners. This pressure can come from different sources, including societal expectations, media portrayals of sex, and even from their partner themselves. Whatever the source of the pressure, it can significantly impact women’s sexual experiences, self-confidence and overall well-being. In this blog, I will focus on the type of pressure women experience from their male partners to achieve orgasm during sex.

Unfortunately, some men view a woman’s orgasm as a badge of honour for their sexual prowess. Some believe if she does not reach orgasm, it reflects negatively on their sexual performance and ability to make their partner sexually happy. Some might feel sexually inadequate. Some men might want their partner to be sexually satisfied because they equate orgasm with pleasure and satisfaction.

Men might communicate their desire for their partner to achieve orgasm differently. Some would talk about it or ask for it. Some men wonder why it is not happening and ask if they could do more for her. Unfortunately, some react negatively to their partner by shaming her, being sad about it, withdrawing or stonewalling her. 

The Impact of Pressure to Reach Orgasm: 

Men’s negative reactions can create a lot of pressure for women to perform and achieve orgasm during sex. Women may feel like they are letting their partner down if they cannot achieve orgasm. Gradually, this pressure during sex can create a range of negative emotions, including anxiety, frustration, and even shame. It can lead to a cycle of negative self-talk and feelings of inadequacy, which can further impact their sexual experience.

Furthermore, the pressure to orgasm can create physical tension in the body, making it harder to relax and enjoy sex. This tension can make it more difficult to achieve orgasm and can even lead to pain during sex. Overall, this not only impacts women’s libido leading to low desire, but it will also affect their mental, physical and sexual well-being and further strain the relationship. 

How to Navigate the Impact of Pressure:

If you are feeling pressure to orgasm during sex, it is important to communicate this with your partner. It can be helpful to explain the pressure’s impact on your mental and physical well-being. Your partner may not be aware of the pressure they are putting on you, and communicating this can help them understand how their behaviour impacts you.

 In some cases, it may be helpful to take a break from focusing on orgasm during sex. If you feel pressure, taking a few months off from this goal can be beneficial. This can help reduce anxiety and shame. It can also allow you to focus on other aspects of your sexual experience, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling sex life. During this time, focus on exploring other aspects of sexuality, such as sensual touch, kissing, or erotic massage.

Remember, orgasm is not the only goal of sex, and pleasure and connection are also the focus. If you need help navigating this complex conflict with your partner, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

I wish you all the best.