Is Your Sex life the Casualty of Your Relationship? 

Every time a couple arrive at my office to better their sex life, I try to explore the issue holistically to understand what has contributed to the problem they are experiencing. Sometimes, in this exploration, the three of us quickly realise that the root of the problem is in the couple’s relationship. Specifically, the relationship problems were managed so poorly that it bled into their intimacy and affected their sex life negatively. 

The thing is, conflicts are unavoidable in relationships. However, when couples are constantly in a state of argument or disagreement, it can create a negative atmosphere that makes it difficult for them to feel intimate. Over time, this can lead to decreased sexual desire and less frequent sex, which then further strain the relationship.

Let’s look at the four major ways conflicts can impact the couple’s sex life;

1. One of the main ways that conflicts can kill a couple’s sex life is by creating feelings of resentment and hurt. When couples argue, it’s common for them to say things that can hurt or damage their partner’s feelings. These feelings can linger long after the argument is over, making it difficult for couples to feel close or intimate with each other. 

2. Another way that conflicts can kill a couple’s sex life is by creating a lack of trust and emotional intimacy. When couples constantly fight, it can be difficult for them to trust each other and feel safe in the relationship. They may find it challenging to be vulnerable and open with one another, which is crucial for developing closeness.

3. When couples are constantly in conflict, it can be difficult for them to focus on the positive aspects of their relationship, which can also decrease intimacy.

4. Conflicts themselves can also lead to anxiety and stress, which can also decrease sexual desire.

What can you do to prevent this from happening in your relationship? 

1. Developing conflict management skills such as problem-solving, compromise, repairing emotional ruptures or hurt, and forgiveness.

2. Learning how to communicate effectively in which you both express yourself clearly and listen actively.

3. Creating a culture of appreciation in your relationship, in which you make time for one another and express your love and affection to cultivate a sense of connection and intimacy. 

If you are experiencing problems in your sex life and believe that it might have been caused by conflicts in your relationship, I invite you to contact me for couple therapy. Together, we can explore the issue holistically and work towards finding a solution that will improve your relationship and your sex life.

I wish you all the best.